How To Dress Properly
The first challenge in getting most men to dress properly is getting them to care. The best way to do this is with negative feedback, which can be a powerful motivating factor in persuading a man to improve the way he presents himself to the world. This negativity can come from a variety of sources. Perhaps his boss points out that the way the man dresses is one of the reasons along with his lack of personality, ambition and high school diploma he is not being promoted. Maybe his local bar introduces a dress code. Maybe his wife stops feeding him until he puts his pants on.
I’ve noticed that old guys tend, on average, to dress better than young guys. That means that being better dressed is inevitable, so why not start now? With a small amount of time and money and a few simple rules, you too can start looking better and achieve that rich, rewarding personal and professional success that has been eluding you these past forty-seven years.
The most important step is to accept that each human being is unique, each with our strengths and weaknesses, which means clothes that look good on one man may not look on another. For example, a Speedo may look okay if your stomach is a six pack, but not if it’s a case of twenty four with a side order of curly fries. So start by evaluating which parts of your appearance are assets and which are liabilities. You wife can be very helpful in this area, but have her inform you just a bit at a time. hearing it all at once can result in an emotional tailspin that drops you back into your sweatpants and keeps you there. For the purposes of our discussion, let’s say you’re an average looking middle-aged guy: somewhat overweight, balding, you don’t shave every day and you’re bitter after seeing the results of basing your life on pure luck. Here are a few things you can do to make yourself more attractive to the ladies, and some of the men.
Nudist camps have proven that the human eye is drawn to the biggest thing on a person. This is not always good. On most middle-aged guys, despite what they say, the biggest thing they’re carrying around is their gut. Now, you could go on a diet and exercise regimen to trim that area down, but who are we kidding here? Instead, you have to balance your look by adding something just as large. Let’s say, for example, that your waist measurement is fifty two inches. Dividing that number by 3.14, or pi (probably one of many pies associated with the problem), gives you a core diameter of sixteen inches. That means you need to have a shoulder width of at least twenty-four inches to get a pleasing, V-shaped body. You can do this with expensive cosmetic surgery, or maybe just pick up a pair of shoulder pads at the Joan Crawford garage sale. (lf shoulder enhancement is too expensive because it involves buying all new T-shirts, you could opt for a cowboy hat with a brim thirty six inches in diameter. But that comes with a whole other set of problems, starting with the standard door width of thirty-two inches.) The main point is, you have to diminish the dominance of your largest feature by balancing it with something equally big. If you’d rather balance your stomach with something below the waistline, maybe clown shoes would be appropriate.
Symmetry is also important. You Want each side of your body too look the same. If your right knee is large and knobby from all those years of kicking the screen door open when you enter with a case of beer in each hand, balance them up by duct taping a tennis ball in your left knee. Just remember not to wear shorts.
Speaking of shorts, they only look good when their length is greater than their width, once you’ve broken that barrier; shorts are no longer an option. If your waist measurement ever becomes larger than your inseam, you may have to wear pants that are much too long for you and cover it by standing on stilts.
The main objective in trying to make yourself look thinner is to find ways to take away your roundness. Round things look fat. You need long, narrow things hanging vertically to offset the roundness. Slimming accessories include a long beard, a ponytail, a scarf, a stovepipe hat, a noose or a knee length tie. If you’re at a party or a social gathering, you can use the furniture and the floor plan to help you look slimmer. A tall wing back chair is a great thing to stand behind. As long as your head is visible, you can participate in conversation and meaningful eye contact. Similarly, if you can hang back at the entrance and stand so that your body is never completely inside the room, the other guests will, in time, assume that they’re seeing all of you.
Long, flowing clothes are a time honored disguise for obesity. Orson Welles, Barry White and Mama Cass were all proponents of the “waterfall look.” It would be more helpful to think of people who are still alive, but there aren’t very many. Probably the most effective tool in looking fit is talking fit. Talk about how you spent the day surfing don’t mention you were using the TV remote. Tell about how you can bench press 275 pounds don’t say you do it by standing up when the bus comes. These tricks are much easier to pull off with acquaintances, so avoid making friends. Maintain a positive attitude. A happy, confident personality will override any fashion deficiencies; embrace rather than deny your bigness, your magnificence, your enormous iosity. Think of all the positive things that come out of being huge nobody expects you to do anything quickly, you are safe in high wind conditions, people are drawn to you through gravitational pull, everyone else is afraid to take the last cookie, and your friends want you to outlive them just so they can avoid being pallbearers.
I’ve noticed that old guys tend, on average, to dress better than young guys. That means that being better dressed is inevitable, so why not start now? With a small amount of time and money and a few simple rules, you too can start looking better and achieve that rich, rewarding personal and professional success that has been eluding you these past forty-seven years.
The most important step is to accept that each human being is unique, each with our strengths and weaknesses, which means clothes that look good on one man may not look on another. For example, a Speedo may look okay if your stomach is a six pack, but not if it’s a case of twenty four with a side order of curly fries. So start by evaluating which parts of your appearance are assets and which are liabilities. You wife can be very helpful in this area, but have her inform you just a bit at a time. hearing it all at once can result in an emotional tailspin that drops you back into your sweatpants and keeps you there. For the purposes of our discussion, let’s say you’re an average looking middle-aged guy: somewhat overweight, balding, you don’t shave every day and you’re bitter after seeing the results of basing your life on pure luck. Here are a few things you can do to make yourself more attractive to the ladies, and some of the men.
Nudist camps have proven that the human eye is drawn to the biggest thing on a person. This is not always good. On most middle-aged guys, despite what they say, the biggest thing they’re carrying around is their gut. Now, you could go on a diet and exercise regimen to trim that area down, but who are we kidding here? Instead, you have to balance your look by adding something just as large. Let’s say, for example, that your waist measurement is fifty two inches. Dividing that number by 3.14, or pi (probably one of many pies associated with the problem), gives you a core diameter of sixteen inches. That means you need to have a shoulder width of at least twenty-four inches to get a pleasing, V-shaped body. You can do this with expensive cosmetic surgery, or maybe just pick up a pair of shoulder pads at the Joan Crawford garage sale. (lf shoulder enhancement is too expensive because it involves buying all new T-shirts, you could opt for a cowboy hat with a brim thirty six inches in diameter. But that comes with a whole other set of problems, starting with the standard door width of thirty-two inches.) The main point is, you have to diminish the dominance of your largest feature by balancing it with something equally big. If you’d rather balance your stomach with something below the waistline, maybe clown shoes would be appropriate.
Symmetry is also important. You Want each side of your body too look the same. If your right knee is large and knobby from all those years of kicking the screen door open when you enter with a case of beer in each hand, balance them up by duct taping a tennis ball in your left knee. Just remember not to wear shorts.
Speaking of shorts, they only look good when their length is greater than their width, once you’ve broken that barrier; shorts are no longer an option. If your waist measurement ever becomes larger than your inseam, you may have to wear pants that are much too long for you and cover it by standing on stilts.
The main objective in trying to make yourself look thinner is to find ways to take away your roundness. Round things look fat. You need long, narrow things hanging vertically to offset the roundness. Slimming accessories include a long beard, a ponytail, a scarf, a stovepipe hat, a noose or a knee length tie. If you’re at a party or a social gathering, you can use the furniture and the floor plan to help you look slimmer. A tall wing back chair is a great thing to stand behind. As long as your head is visible, you can participate in conversation and meaningful eye contact. Similarly, if you can hang back at the entrance and stand so that your body is never completely inside the room, the other guests will, in time, assume that they’re seeing all of you.
Long, flowing clothes are a time honored disguise for obesity. Orson Welles, Barry White and Mama Cass were all proponents of the “waterfall look.” It would be more helpful to think of people who are still alive, but there aren’t very many. Probably the most effective tool in looking fit is talking fit. Talk about how you spent the day surfing don’t mention you were using the TV remote. Tell about how you can bench press 275 pounds don’t say you do it by standing up when the bus comes. These tricks are much easier to pull off with acquaintances, so avoid making friends. Maintain a positive attitude. A happy, confident personality will override any fashion deficiencies; embrace rather than deny your bigness, your magnificence, your enormous iosity. Think of all the positive things that come out of being huge nobody expects you to do anything quickly, you are safe in high wind conditions, people are drawn to you through gravitational pull, everyone else is afraid to take the last cookie, and your friends want you to outlive them just so they can avoid being pallbearers.
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